I needn’t have worried about Maddie. Once she’d established that I wasn’t dying and had enjoyed a good tour of my injuries she lost interest. I enquired about school. It was boring.
‘What’s boring?’
‘All of it.’
‘What did you do?’
‘Nothing.’ She was growing impatient.
I could remember the same inquisition from my own mother, though at a later age. I’d always fobbed her off with the details of the school dinner menu, not an option if you took packed lunches as Maddie did. I could never comprehend why she had any interest in what I did in those long tedious lessons. Why then, if I could remember what it was like, did I persist in asking Maddie the same questions?
‘You must have done something.’
‘Fish,’ she said enigmatically. And that was the end of the matter.
The phone rang. It was one of the police officers to tell me that Goulden was out of the woods and the prognosis was good. They’d found ropes, drugs and weights in his car, plenty to substantiate our belief that he intended to murder us. His wife would be helping them with their enquiries, as would her brother. They were looking for Matthew Simcock. I thanked him profusely for letting me know. I’d worked on cases before where getting any such information was like drawing teeth. There was no obligation to tell victims what was happening to villains. I asked him to make sure Agnes knew too.
The relief made me dizzy. I’d been frightened silly that Goulden would die, that I’d have a man’s life on my conscience. I sat on the bottom stair. I felt a flare of anger then. Searing hot, in my guts, up my spine, pricking my eyes. Rage at what Goulden had done to me, to Agnes, to Lily. A blaze of fury that I hadn’t dared to allow whilst his life hung in the balance. It felt good, burning up some of the guilt and the self-blame. Slowly it ebbed away. I was too drained to sustain it. Ray found me gazing into the middle distance.
‘Go to bed,’ he said.
‘Yeah, I will.’ I said good night to the children. Hugged them both tight.
‘You’re going to bed before me!’ Maddie was delighted.
‘I know. I’m so tired. If I don’t get some sleep I’m going to fall over.’
‘You’re not,’ she scoffed. ‘I know! I can put you to bed.’
I allowed her to burble round me while I got myself undressed and into bed. I took some more paracetamol and wriggled under the duvet. ‘Night-night.’ I leant out of the side to kiss her on the head. ‘I love you, Maddie.’
‘Mummy?’
‘What?’
‘My nose is a bit sore too, on the inside. You can’t see it on mine.’
‘Well, there’s not a lot you can do about that, Maddie.’