So you're the man I hear about!
You're the one that's made
A whole lot of English oaths that say
You're going to kill dialect!
Let me get it straight, Mr. Charlie,
For I don't quite understand –
Are you going to kill all English dialects
Or just the Jamaican one?
If you've examined the English Language,
Then what makes you feel inferior when
it comes to dialects?
If you can't sing 'Linstead Market'
And 'Water come a me yeye'
Then we have to stop singing 'Auld lang syne'
And 'Comin through de rye'.
The language you are so proud of,
Which you honor and respect –
Poor Mr. Charlie, don't you see that
It springs from dialects!
They've tried to turn it into a language
From the fourteenth century –
Five hundred years have passed and now
They've got more dialects than we do!
You would have to kill the Lancashire,
The Yorkshire, the Cockney,
The broad Scotch and the Irish brogue
Before you start to kill me!
You would have to get the Oxford Book
Of English Verse and tear
Out Chaucer, Burns, Lady Grizelle
And lots of Shakespeare!
When you've finished killing 'wit' and 'humor',
When you've killed 'variety',
You will have to find a way to kill
Originality!
And how are you going to read those English
Books there upon your shelf,
'Cause if you drop an 'h' you might
Have to kill yourself!