Twenty-five years before, in that very house, I had told her as much. And walked away.
'She's dying/ I said.
Crezia put her glass down suddenly. 'Dying?'
'Or already dead/ I told her what had happened on Durer.
'Oh, God-Emperor/ she said. 'You should go to her/
'What could I do?'
'Be there/ she said firmly. 'Be there and tell her before it's too late/
'How do you know I haven't already told her?'
'Because I know you, Gregor. Too well/
'I… well…'
'The two of you never… I mean?'
'No. She's an untouchable. I'm a psyker. That's the way it works/
And you never told her?'
'She knows/
'Of course she knows! But you never told her?'
'No/
She embraced me. I pulled her close. I thought of all the things I had never done, or never started, or never finished. Then I remembered all the things I had done and could never undo.
The last thing you want is me, Crezia/ I whispered into her hair.
'I'll be the judge of that/
The kitchen door burst open and Aemos limped in. Crezia and I let each other go.
We could have been doing anything for all Aemos cared. You have to come and hear this, Gregor/ he said.
He had been listening to the Sub-sector Service on the vox, news from all around the Helican sub, some of it days or weeks old. By the time we were standing around the old set, the news had moved on to stock reports and shipping forecasts.
'Well?' I asked.
'A report from Messina, Gregor. The upper levels of spire eleven of Messina Prime were destroyed twenty-four hours ago by what was cited as a recidivist blast/
I went cold. Spire eleven, Messina Prime. That was the location of the residence I had leased for the use of the Distaff. Nayl and Begundi had taken Alizebeth and Kara there. For safety.
The report said that over ten thousand lives had been lost/ Aemos murmured. The Messina arbites are hunting for suspects, but it's been attributed to a radical free Messina outfit/
I sat down, trembling. Crezia crouched beside me, hugging me. The Distaff… gone? Bequin… Nayl… KaraSwole… Begundi?
It was too much.
I realised why Khanjar the Sharp had hired so many Vessorine janissaries. Multiple strikes, multiple worlds. What else had this Khanjar hit? What other pain had he already caused me?
Who else had he killed?
What's going on?' Eleena asked, coming in, rubbing her sleepy eyes.
I paced the house and the courtyard garden. Two or three times, I started up towards the box room, the autopistol in my hand. Damn the bond! I would have vengeance!
Each time, I turned back. I'd counselled Medea against vengeance, and so I should listen to my own good advice. Killing Tarl would be like breaking a sword. What was it Medea had said?