She was so cute and so sincere. Like a child. She laughed and made me laugh too.
And what did I make her do? Cry?
What had I done when it was time for me to pay? Couldn’t see her dead? Lie. I didn’t want. I just didn’t want.
I lived with her, I slept with her, but I didn’t love her. And I knew that. We both knew. I didn’t love her, but she did. She really did.
I couldn’t force myself to look into his eyes – I was too afraid of what I could see there.
– Tell them… – I choked. – Tell them all how happy I was when I didn’t know about that, and how miserable I am when I know…
I looked at him, but saw myself. I felt there was no breath of air left for me in the whole world. I felt I was dying.
It was the evening when I opened my eyes finding myself on the street with my back against the wall.
I got a pack of cigarettes and no-one-knows-where-it-came-from matchbox out of the pocket. Trying again and again, minute by minute, a match after a match, I lit a cigarette and finally took a puff.
I was sick and I knew why – I had a small red fish instead of the heart. But there was no sea in my chest anymore and it couldn’t swim as it used to do before.
– Stop pretending you are still alive. – said I aloud. – You have to die, small fish. I know better.
I took another puff and put a cigarette out.