version of The Liar’s Club, where the gay person who put up the most convincing pretense ofheterosexuality could win a snazzy new car.
“So, little lady,” Big Ben boomed, “how ’bout taking us for a ride?”
“Sure...okay.”
The plush interior of the Chrysler New Yorker had that unmistakable new-car smell. It was anundeniably gorgeous vehicle, and yet it wasn’t a car Lily would ever have picked out for herself, even ifshe had possessed the funds to buy it. While she was sure that in Big Ben’s eyes, the New Yorker’sroominess made it a good family car, to her, a big car meant nothing but bad gas mileage and moreexhaust fumes to pollute the environment. Besides, weren’t gays supposed to be boycotting the Chryslercompany?
Damn it, Lily warned herself, if you’re going to pull off the happy hetero bit, you’re going to haveto start thinking less. She turned the key in the ignition. “Where to?” she asked brightly.
“Hang a left out of the parking lot,” Big Ben said from the backseat. He had insisted on sitting inthe back so the “newlyweds” could sit in the front together.
Lily hung a left as instructed and drove past barns and fields of cattle. This was her first realexperience with country driving, and she had to admit it was much more pleasant than dealing with thestressful, stop-and-go traffic of the city.
“Now turn right at this church over here.” Lily turned right at the Free Will Baptist Church — aname which she considered an oxymoron.
“Now you’ll wanna go down this road a piece,” Big Ben said.
The road was a rural residential area, dotted with well-maintained brick ranch-style houses.
“Now turn at that mailbox that says 104,” Big Ben directed.
Lily did as she was told, but had no idea why she was pulling into a strange house’s driveway.
She didn’t begin to catch on until her hapless husband said, “Now Daddy, what have you gone anddone?” At that moment, Lily saw the realty company sign in the yard with the banner across itannouncing, SOLD.
“I know it’s nothing fancy” Big Ben said, “but it’s a good house — built solid — and it’ll do ya tillyou can build the house you really want.”
“But, Daddy,” Ben said, “we were just going to rent an apartment.”
“Now, Benny Jack,” Big Ben said, “you know there ain’t an apartment in Faulkner County that’sworth living in. And besides, you remember that broken-down old trailer you and your mother and mehad to live in back when I was first starting the company?”
“No, I don’t remember it. We moved out of that trailer when I was two years old.”