— Because without a proper sexual relief a man's brain cannot properly work! His brain keeps stalling! He needs to come back to life. It's vital for him, for NDRC and it's mission and the whole fucking humankind.
— What's gonna change if he starts jerking off?
— Then he'll have a physical reason to start looking for a new woman for himself, so that he could get all love and support he needs.
— A physical reason?
— Yes, the ability to fuck that woman, captain Obvious, a fucking boner!
— Can he first find the right woman and become like, friends first and evolve their relationship from there? Once they have a proper emotional connection it will help to establish their sex routine, I guess.
— Oh, man! Now you sound like a politically correct brainwashed old ugly feminist bitch on a cheap dating site who really wants to get fucked but she can't afford to lose her so called, um… dignity! Lemme ask you this: can you build a roof before building a foundation?
— Stupid question. Of course, not!
— Same thing! A strong physical attraction and good sex is the foundation! You can't tell for sure if a woman is right for you until you fucked her a couple of times. Admiral Sherman will never start hunting for a woman if he's not confident about his hardware. That's why he needs to restore his ability to produce a decent boner and shit!
— So that he knew he won't embarrass himself and US Navy in front of his new girlfriend?
— Exactemundo! Now you're talking. See now, and jerking off is just the first step! Are you with me, bro?
— Yes I am… but I kinda… Fuck! This matter is so um… delicate! I'm not really sure if I am up to the job. Let me sleep with this thought so that I could make up my mind.
— Хули ты сопли жуёшь, шпион американский? — неожиданно услышал Дуэйн хорошо знакомый голос Женьки Мякишева. — Предлагают тебе поработать адмиральским хуем — соглашайся! Я тут подключил Толяна, и он сказал что это идеальное прикрытие для сбора информации. А с открытым забралом чего-то узнать — без мазы.
— C открытым чего? Ебалом? — не понял Дуэйн, огорошенный внезапным вторжением озёрного крёстного отца в столь интимную беседу.
— Вот именно, ебалом. Щёлкать, блять… Кончай вафли ловить, капрал, быстро говори йес! We'll sort out the details later. Over and out!
— Okay, Tecumseh. I agree. — Если бы Дуэйн был в своём собственном теле, он бы глубоко вздохнул.
— Awesome! — обрадовалась адмиральская душа. — I don't know how to thank you! You're a scholar, diplomat, statesman, and all-round nice guy!
— Um… Can I ask you something? — Дуэйн на пару секунд задумался, как лучше задать адмиральской душе очень деликатный вопрос.